Red Bricks

Red Bricks, huh? That's an interesting name for a photo. I think if it had been my choice though, I would have gone for something a little more descriptive, something that really capures the essence of this photo. Like Side of a Building maybe, or Buildings Viewed From Below: An Original Perspective, Oh Wait It's Not. Jesus, you spend however many hundreds of dollars going to Melbourne, the grungiest city in Australia, and you take photos of a bunch of goddamn skycrapers? You better run home and upload this shit to Flickr before someone else does, ya douche.

This photo sucks.

Wave

Hey, look, a photo of a wave! Did you take that at the beach? Great! Listen, I don't know if you were listening at all when I spoke to you about flowers the other day, but pretty much all of that applies. You've taken it one step further this time though, because this photo is the visual equivalent of a goddamned dialtone. Be sure to have it mounted on grey board to avoid overwhelming the colours. Of which there are none. On the bright side though, hung strategically, this photo could be a nice shorthand way of letting people who come to visit know that they should have brought a good book, or maybe a Women's Day.

This photo sucks.

Don't Walk

You know, I love when a photo makes a strong, cogent statement. Photos that tell a story can take the everyday events of the world and give them a real poetry. Better still, it elevates photography as a medium; instead of mutely pointing and saying "lookie!", we begin to tell meaningful stories as artists.

That's why I hate this photo. Do you know what this photo says, friend? No, you don't, and NEITHER DO I. "DONT WALK, autumnal light over Platanus leaves ahead", possibly? You sir are the modern Henri Cartier Bresson. Congratulations on this newborn hybrid of gritty urban commentary and misty-eyed pastoralism. I suggest you take it out to the nearest hillside and do what you feel necessary.

This photo sucks.

Bird of Paradise

Did you take this in your back yard? How long have you had that camera? Aren't you bored of fucking flower photos yet? Jesus. Do you have an AWESOME photo of your own foot too? And a shot you took of yourself with a wide angle lens LOOK YOU CAN SEE MY ARMS? I, listen, fuck, I need to go wash my mouth out. Stay here.

Okay. Listen. Every photographer since the dawn of fucking time has picked up their camera, walked out the door and taken a photo of a flower, or their cat or their own foot. That's fine. It's like learning to go to the toilet, it's natural and there's nothing wrong with it. And just like going to the toilet, there's no reason to post the results on the internet. Next time, post something that took you more than two minutes and some vigorous finger action.

This photo sucks.

Bondi AM

God, where do I start. The whole top right corner is a fucking dead zone. I'm so bored with it, I had to go get a coffee between the last sentence and this one just to keep writing about it. There's some kind of scraggly bushy bullshit at the bottom of the frame that's not doing you any favours, and the only oblique line going through the frame does nothing to help your two points of interest connect. I'd love to keep ragging on the photo, but since there's fucking nothing else IN IT I guess I'll just let it slide.

This photo sucks.